The Nervous System, Not Just Hormones: Understanding Why Rest is Hard in Menopause

Why rest can feel so hard in menopause, and why that’s not your fault.

A lesson I remember vividly from my yoga teacher training was about capacity.  The teacher brought out a simple sponge and began slowly adding water.  Then more water.  And more.  We were all surprised by how much it could hold, far more than we expected.  Until suddenly it reached its limit.  At that point, it couldn’t take in a single drop more.

That sponge is a clear analogy for the human nervous system.

Like the sponge, we can hold an incredible amount…until we can’t.  And unlike the sponge, when we reach capacity our body doesn’t just overflow quietly.  It speaks through symptoms, tension, fatigue, irritability, anxiety and a general sense of dis-ease.  It speaks through sensations that tell us something inside is no longer able to keep holding.

Midlife and menopause is often the moment when many women discover just how full their sponge has been.

So many women arrive at menopause exhausted.  They know they need rest.  They try to rest.  They lie down, go to yoga, take a day off….and instead of relief, they feel restless, tense or even anxious.

If this has happened to you, you are not doing it wrong.  True rest isn’t something we force.  The nervous system must feel safe before it can receive rest.

Menopause Isn’t Just Hormonal - It’s Neurological

During our reproductive years, many of us lived in constant output; caring for others, managing careers, holding families together, pushing through stress, overriding fatigue.  The body is incredibly adaptive.  It learns to survive by staying alert, productive and responsive.  

Over time, these become deeply wired survival patterns.  Estrogen helped buffer stress and helped to support our constant doing.  However, as estrogen fluctuates and declines in menopause, the body loses some of that buffering capacity.  Suddenly, it can no longer hold tension the same way it once did.  

What begins to surface is not a problem.  What begins to surface is the tension that has been stored during the first half of our lives.  That is why midlife and menopause can feel like everything is coming up, physically, emotionally and mentally.  This isn’t because the body is breaking.  In fact, this is the body’s adaptive intelligence.  The body is saying it is full to capacity.  It’s time to stop bracing and holding so much.  

You Can’t “Do” Rest if Your System Still Feels Like it Has to Protect You

When the nervous system perceives threat, even subtle, long-held stress, it stays in a guarded state.  In that state, stillness can actually feel uncomfortable.  The body may fidget, the mind may race, emotions may appear unexpectedly.  This is the way the body protects us.  The body doesn’t unwind through effort.  It unwinds through permission.

Practices That Help the Body Release Protection

Instead of trying to make rest happen, we can create conditions that invite safety.  Gentle, sensory-based practices communicate with the nervous system in ways thinking cannot.

Long, supported holds

Restorative shapes held for several minutes allow muscles and connective tissue to gradually let go of guarding patterns.  Time is one of the ways that we can signal safety to the body.

Sound and Vibration

Humming, chanting or lengthening the exhale stimulates the vagus nerve and helps shift the body out of vigilance.

Journaling without Agenda

Writing creates a pathway for what has been held internally to move outward, without needing to solve or analyze it.  

It’s important for us to recognize that these practices don’t fix anything.  Instead, these practices allow the body to do what it has been trying to do all along…release.  

This Stage of Life is Not About Repair, It’s About Allowing

We often approach midlife and menopause as something to manage, control or overcome.  But from another perspective, menopause is a profound biological transition from constant doing into a different rhythm of being.

The body is not asking to be pushed back into productivity.  The body is asking to be listened to.  When we learn to listen, rest becomes less about stopping and more about learning to feel safe enough to receive support, stillness and space.

That takes practice.  Not more effort.  Not more discipline.  Practice.  

If rest feels unfamiliar right now, that doesn’t mean it’s unavailable.  It simply means your system is learning a new language.  One of slowing, unwinding and most importantly, allowing.